You will have between forty minutes and two hours, half of it with family in the room, and you are expected to make a decision that lasts a lifetime. It is an absurd format. It can still be used well.
The standard questions — work, studies, hobbies, family background — are already on the profile. Asking them again fills time and tells you nothing you did not know before you sat down.
Ask about ordinary days, not ambitions
"What do you want from life" produces a rehearsed answer. "What does a normal Tuesday look like for you" does not.
You learn more from how someone describes a weekday than from anything they say about their goals. Who they live with. Who cooks. What time they get home. Whether they sound tired or content. Marriage is mostly Tuesdays.
Ask what they think marriage will change
This is the single most useful question, and most people have never been asked it.
Some expect very little to change — same job, same city, same routines, plus a person. Others expect nearly everything to change. Neither is wrong, but two people holding opposite answers will collide within a year, usually over something that looks small.
Ask about their parents, and listen to the tone
Not "are your parents supportive". Everyone says yes.
Ask how decisions get made in their house. Who they call when something goes wrong. Whether they see themselves living with their parents, near them, or away. You will be marrying into that arrangement, and how they talk about it says more than what they say about it.
Say one true thing about yourself
An hour of mutual interviewing tells you how someone performs, not who they are. The way out is to go first — offer something real and slightly uncomfortable. Something you are anxious about. Something you have not worked out.
Most people meet that with honesty of their own. The ones who do not have told you something useful.
What to notice rather than ask
- How they treat the waiter, the driver, whoever is serving
- Whether they ask you anything at all
- Whether they answer the question you asked
- How they speak about people who are not in the room
That last one predicts more of your future than any answer on any profile.
Two things not to do
Don't decide on the day. The pressure to give a yes or no immediately is enormous and serves nobody. A day or two changes nothing except the quality of the decision.
Don't treat it as an interview. If you arrive with a list, you will get an hour of answers and no sense of the person. Ask three good questions and let the rest be a conversation.
And if you know it is a no
Say so kindly, quickly, and without a manufactured reason. Everyone involved would rather hear a clean no in two days than a vague maybe for three weeks.