Money is the subject most likely to be handled badly in this process — either by being avoided entirely until after the wedding, or by being raised so bluntly that it damages everything around it.
What you actually need to know
Not a salary figure. Four things:
- Whether there is debt, and roughly what kind. A home loan is ordinary. Business borrowing against the family house is a different conversation.
- Who is supported. Parents, a sibling's education, a dependent relative. This is normal and important, and it is much better known in advance.
- How decisions get made. Whether money is pooled, separate, or controlled by one person. This causes more marital conflict than the amount ever does.
- Whether both of you will work, and whether that is assumed or agreed.
None of these require a number.
How to raise it without it landing badly
Ask about arrangements rather than amounts. "How does your family handle things — is everything together, or does everyone manage their own?" is a question about how a household runs, not an audit.
Ask about the future rather than the present. "Do you see yourself supporting your parents?" is easy to answer honestly. "How much do you earn?" is not.
Go first. Say something about your own situation before asking about theirs — a loan you are paying, a responsibility you carry. It changes the conversation from an interrogation into an exchange.
On dowry
It is illegal in India and it has been for decades. It is also still requested, in language that avoids the word — expectations about "gifts", about who pays for what, about what the girl's family will "naturally do".
If it appears in any form, that is information about the family you would be marrying into, and it is not information about their finances.
A family that asks for money before a marriage has told you how they will behave about money after one.
What not to do
Don't guess from appearances. Cars, houses and weddings are routinely financed. Appearances in this process are frequently constructed for it.
Don't ask through an intermediary what you would not ask directly. It gets repeated, usually less kindly than you said it.
Don't leave it until after. The single most common financial surprise in a new marriage is a responsibility nobody mentioned — a loan, a dependent, a commitment already made. It is almost never hidden maliciously. It simply never came up, because nobody wanted to be the one to ask.